don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
