Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
