Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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