if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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