i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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