Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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