Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
