he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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