Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
