How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
