in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
