My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
