I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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