my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
