I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
