that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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