I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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