It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
