Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
