i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my shit smells like andre
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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