I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Text me some of your sweat
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