If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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