Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize