Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
