I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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