can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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