Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
