I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
