I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
