dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
