She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got inside last night via doggy door
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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