just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
