doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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