By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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