After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
