We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
