I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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