We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
