I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
