sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
