the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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