I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
