if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
false alarm. still invincible.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
