The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
