last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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