Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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