I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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