Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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