You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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