I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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