sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
