i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need moral support for this bender
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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