I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
