I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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