i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
