OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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