I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
