i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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