YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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