I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
