i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
