I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
