It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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