He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
