last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
