The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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